


I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you

by Magykal777



Series: Woven in My Soul [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Hurt, I Tried, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, POV Bruce Banner, Polyamory, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:40:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magykal777/pseuds/Magykal777
Summary: Bruce's point of view
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Original Female Character(s), Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Woven in My Soul [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758688
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you

Bruce Banner’s life paralleled Tony’s in many ways.

Both were the apples of their mother’s eye.

Both had fathers that were disappointed in them.

Both turned to science when they’d lost everything else.

But, there was one distinct, dividing line that separated them: Bruce was born _without_ soulmates.

This wasn’t unusual in the fact that there were many pairings of different ages, but it was said that those who were the eldest tended to have tighter bonds since they remembered a time when they’d been alone.

\--

Bruce had been too young to remember when his first soulmate had been born having only been five months old himself.

That didn’t mean he was too young to know what loneliness felt like, though, and in a universe where every pairing was perfect, that was the worst feeling in the world.

So, when his first soulmate was born, even if he couldn’t fully process the knowledge of having one, he could at least understand the _importance_.

\--

He was five when his second soulmate was born- not that he’d been expecting it, of course. There weren’t many people who had more than one.

He was perfectly content with his one intended person, whoever, wherever they were, but the surprise had been a pleasant one.

His father had left the house earlier that morning as usual. They weren’t really on good terms, so he preferred it this way (that was putting it lightly.) It was something about him being _too smart_ , but Bruce wasn’t really sure.

It was his favorite time, though, because then his mother would sit on the floor and play with him. They’d been playing with blocks.

Blocks were fun.

He felt a tingling sensation in his wrist, almost like a tickle as he felt it. It grew stronger and stronger, as if his arm had fallen asleep. Crying out in shock, he called, _“mommy!”_

Then his mother was there, pulling him into her lap as they sat on the floor together. She gently turned his left wrist face up, and together they watched the birth of his second soulmate.

These Words were much shorter than the first and were written in a neater, feminine hand, _oh no, he’s hot._

Bruce, who had learned to read since the birth of his first soulmate, tentatively mouthed the words aloud, “what’s hot, mommy? Like a stove?”

He remembered that she’d seemed amused, “in a way, yes.”

“Will I be on fire?”

She’d laughed, then, “I hope not.”

He put both of his wrists together, the super long one on his right, _it’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled._

And the shorter one on his left, _oh no, he’s hot._

“What are you doing, Bobbie?”

“My soulmates are meeting each other.”

She’d pressed a kiss to the top of his head, “protect them, Bobbie. You’re the eldest. One’s going to be much littler than you. They’ll need you to keep them safe.”

\--

That had been one of the last, few happy memories he’d had. Most of the time, he tried to keep out of the way of his father as he’d gotten more violent since Bruce’s fifth Christmas.

It didn’t help that Bruce now had _two_ soulmates.

He didn’t hold it against the little one, though. It wasn’t their fault. As he got older, his soulmates did as well. The one with the wordy sentence and tiny handwriting seemed to understand what was going on and usually appeared in the aftermath of his father’s violence.

The younger one with the short words seemed just as scared and confused as he was sometimes, but at least it wasn’t lasting for them. Being five years younger had its perks, he supposed, and he could tell whenever they learned something new as there was an immediate, immense joy that shot through their bonds as the person on the other side did whatever they had discovered. Them being so little also meant temper tantrums too, though, and Bruce did his best to help calm them down. 

\--

His father was strong. Very strong, considering he’d once been a scientist himself. Bruce felt his strength more often than not and his mother most of all.

 _It had been an accident_ , he’d tried telling himself. His mother had only been protecting him, like he was supposed to do with his soulmates.

He sat on the grass numbly as he watched his father get carted away by the police, his mother’s body going with them, but they hadn’t bothered to clean up the blood on the concrete.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, bright red against white. His soulmates tried to help, he knew, but there wasn’t anything they could do. They were however many miles away, not able to truly understand what had happened.

He felt a cool, gentle hand brush his hair back. He was probably going to have to cut it soon.

“Robert?”

He tore his eyes away from the stain, to look up at the woman who had called his name.

His Aunt Susan, on his father’s side.

She wasn’t anything like him, though. Her brown eyes held a softness that his own father’s never had, her light brown hair falling in curls around her shoulders. She was wearing work clothes, he knew. Blue shirt with little, pink flowers. Collared, button down. Tan slacks, black shoes.

“Come, Robert, let’s get you home. You’ll be living with me, now,” she said this very gently, kindly, as if she were trying to soothe a frightened animal.

He took her hand and stood up willingly. His head turned back to look at the bright red stain. For a moment it mirrored the pattern on his Aunt’s shirt.

\--

After that, he threw himself into his work, going through the motions as he attended Science High School. He kept to himself and never made any friends since he didn’t need them. He felt angry most of the time, anyway. Angry and scared and alone, but he didn’t admit the last two to himself.

His soulmates helped keep some of those emotions at bay, with the younger one particularly attentive and calming him down whenever he felt the anger start to rise again. What was worse, really, was that he didn’t know _why_ he was angry.

 _It had been an accident_ , after all.

It didn’t stop the anger he felt, though, but what helped was his calculations, ideas, building explosives. It was a good way to vent his feelings before he _smashed_ anything.

The other students thought he was crazy, but he didn’t care.

\--

He had a particular fondness for his left-wrist soulmate. He was pretty sure she was, well, a _she_. The writing style made sense and ‘she’ was far more attentive to his emotions than the other one, not that his right-wrist soulmate didn’t care, but he sensed whoever was on the other side had their own problems.

He remembered being in the library when it happened. The library in Desert State University was dark and cool, shelves and shelves of books with tables and other seating areas littered all around. He’d taken a seat in the back so the other students wouldn’t bother him.

His pen had been scratching away at the equations he’d been working on (there were times when he felt sorry that his soulmate had such messy handwriting imprinted on them) when the first emotion of excitement shot through. He smiled fondly, recalling that his youngest soulmate was able to easily enjoy things.

His smile disappeared the next second, though, as panic shot through him. Frowning, his brows furrowed as he tried to send them calming emotions as ‘she’ often did with him.

But then he felt _nothing_.

He opened his eyes, staring uncomprehendingly at his now-blank wrist. The short sentence that had given him so much confidence over the years was _gone_.

It was like his mother’s death all over again but this time it was _worse_. He’d felt her life flicker out, and now he’d never get to meet her.

He’d never know if she was truly a ‘she,’ to see what she looked like when she was happy, or protect like he was supposed to, or comfort her when she was sad.

These were all very mundane things, too mundane to associate with _her,_ but he wanted them all the same.

He didn’t cry like he was supposed to.

He was already familiar with death.

He was familiar with shock, too.

 _At least he still had his other soulmate_.

But then he blinked, and a bright, blue flash glowed against the darkness of the library, and she was _back_.

He might have been familiar with death, but what Bruce _wasn’t_ familiar with was _life_.

\--

His work in Nuclear Physics brought on the attention of General Ross of the military. He agreed to work on the Super Soldier project, which took up most of his life for a while. He even gained a partner, a change after preferring to work alone for so long. Her name was Betty Ross, the General’s daughter.

He’d met her when he visited the man’s home for the first time, needing to discuss some of the tests he planned on doing. She was pretty, he’d give her that. Maybe in another life when he _didn’t_ have people intended for him, he would’ve looked twice at her.

It was only later, when he was leaving the General’s house and she’d opened the door for him, did he notice the writing on her wrist, _hello Betty, is the General home?_

 _His_ words.

No wonder she hadn’t been able to look at him all evening. 

\--

Things came to a head that day in the lab. He’d sensed something was off and had been checking his calculations to see where the problem was.

They had someone in, testing the project when there was a sudden shout.

There was panic, Betty tried to control the readings as he disappeared inside the workings to help get the man out.

It all happened very suddenly.

He was trying to put the gas mask on the man was scrambling away.

He made a move to leave but saw that the other man wasn’t going to get away fast enough.

He paused. He wasn’t a hero, but he wasn’t a villain.

_Would I be able to look his soulmates in the eyes if he survived while this man died?_

The answer made his decision as he leapt forward in front of the man, blocking the blast with his body.

In a way, he _was_ protecting his soulmates, or at least that’s what he tried to tell himself.

There was a blast, then heat.

 _I’m sorry_.

\--

The first thing he realized upon waking up was that he was in pain, like all of his joints had shifted into different places overnight. The second thing he realized was that he was naked and in the middle of nowhere.

The third thing was that he was _alive_.

He didn’t know how, but somehow he survived when he should’ve been dead.

Something shifted in his mind.

 _Puny Banner_.

\--

Over the next few years, he learned bits and pieces of what had happened. The voice in his head, which the media had called ‘the Hulk’ had been created due to the gamma blast, saving his life. The Hulk’s rage had killed several workers and injured the General, causing Bruce to become a fugitive and forcing him to live on the run.

The Hulk had been born out of the constant, varying levels of anger that he’d felt throughout his life up until that point. Transformations were understandably painful and against his will, the Hulk often overpowering his attempts to remain calm even despite his soulmate’s attempts to soothe him.

 _His soulmate_.

They hadn’t asked to be bonded to him, to a _monster_ , but that had become their lot in life anyway. His right-wrist soulmate had cut off their connection with he was still gathering his PhDs. It had come as a shock, but after his _other_ soulmate had died, it only left him with a slightly bitter taste in his mouth.

At least the long sentence was starting to make sense.

If he was a better man, a stronger one, perhaps, he would have done the same. Their soulmate- whoever she or he was, deserved better than this. Cutting off their connection, though, after knowing what it was like, was too much of a punishment and he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

_What was worse, being attached to a monster or having no soulmates at all?_

\--

He was understandably suspicious when the redheaded woman located in Calcutta, especially when she said she was attached to a government agency (or that was his take, anyway. The government had always been a fan of acronyms.)

He decided he’d had no choice, though, and agreed anyway.

_How was he supposed to know that that decision was going to change his life?_

\--

“Iridium, what do they need iridium for?” first meeting Captain America, then being trapped on the stupid plane and to top it all off, “little-g” gods. Apparently some maniac wanted to take over the world.

“It’s a stabilizing agent,” a man’s confident voice came from the entrance of the room. In front of him were a dark-haired man and blonde woman. He continued, “it means the portal won’t collapse on itself like it did at SHIELD,” as he walked by Thor, he acknowledged him, “no hard feelings, Point Break. You have a mean swing.”

“Tell me about it,” the blonde woman grumbled, placing a hand on her stomach.

The red-caped god at least looked slightly sympathetic, “I’m sorry, My Lady- that hit was not intended for you. Are you healing well?”

She gave Thor a little smile, surprised by his apology, “uh- yeah. Didn’t leave a scratch.”

The man- Tony Stark, Bruce now recognized (he didn’t live under a rock, after all)- glanced at her, “you done, Blondie? Good- it also means the portal can open as wide and stay open as long as Loki wants,” he continued, going back to their original conversation, “the rest of the raw materials Agent Barton can get his hands on pretty easily. The only major component he still needs is a power source. High-energy density, something to kick-start the cube.”

The SHIELD woman asked, “when did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?”

“Last night- Selvig’s notes, the packet. Am I the only one who did the reading?”

Stark was known for his genius if not for being slightly eccentric. He could see that now in the way the man jumped from topic to topic yet still managed to learn complex ideas in the span of a single night.

“He’d have to heat the cube to 120 million Kelvin just to break through the Coolum barrier,” Bruce offered as the conversation turned back to science.

“Unless Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect.”

“Well, if he could do that, he could achieve the heavy ion fusion of any reactor on the planet.”

“Finally!” Tony said, walking towards the other scientist, “someone who speaks English!”

He couldn’t help but grin. It felt nice being able to go back and forth like this. The last time it had happened had been with Betty, but even then, this felt _different_. A good different.

He shook himself, _get a grip, Banner. No attachments, remember?_

That failed spectacularly.

Tony held his hand out, “ _it’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled._ And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”

Despite what he’d originally thought, his pulse didn’t skyrocket.

Instead, it stilled. _Those_ Words. _He recognized them. They’d-_ his face warmed, realizing _who_ one of his soulmates actually was. There was a quiet murmur behind Stark that he almost missed.

He was glad he hadn’t.

_“_ _Oh no, he’s hot.”_

His eyes snapped to the blonde woman, whose face turned slightly red at his attention. He couldn’t help as his own redness increased, though. _He’d been right_ , _this soulmate_ was _a ‘she.’_

It took him a moment to realize he had to answer, and even then the only thing that came out of his mouth as he addressed both statements was, “uh, thanks, I guess.”

 _This_ caused his pulse to speed up and he felt the Hulk stir in his mind and he froze as his eyes met hers, _down, Big Guy_ , he said, trying for stern.

His eyes switched between Stark and the woman, trying to process that he’d really just met _both_ of his soulmates in the span of _seconds_. All of his life had been leading up to this moment, and now words were failing him, “wait… you’re- you’re,” he struggled to get the right words out, pointing between the two, “you’re them!”

_Real smooth, Banner._

The woman relaxed slightly as Stark looked between them and said, “come on, big guy, speak English. You were just doing it a second ago.”

 _Right_. _He’s the one that cut off the connection._

He forced himself to say the whole sentence, “you’re my soulmates.”

The blonde woman gave a nod, giving him little smile, “yeah, I am- and- and you’re mine.”

_Well, at least she seems just as nervous as I am._

Stark had the complete opposite reaction. He was clearly trying to mask his panic as he shook his head fervently, “no, no, you’ve got it wrong. I’m not- I-“

Bruce ignored his denial for the time being as the woman approached him, and his eyes flicked down to see that she was biting her lip nervously.

_Get. A. Grip. Banner._

She tentatively held out her hand, “I’m Lily.”

He knew he probably looked shocked, but he forced himself to swallow and hold his hand out to meet hers, saying, “Bruce.”

When their hands met, Bruce had to remind himself to keep his pulse in control. _This_ was the soulmate that had always stood by him, no matter what ugly emotions he’d felt or the fact that she probably knew something was wrong with him. His expression softened as he looked at her, her wide, blue, blue eyes studying his own brown ones. His hand was larger than hers as he grasped her fingers gently. It slid into a perfect grip, her skin cool and smooth against his own.

He eyed her warily, his tone darker, “you know who- what- I am, then.”

He saw her tense as she confirmed “I do,”

His pulse was on the rise again and white flashed in front of his vision.

_Idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Stupid Banner. Do NOT think about that._

His sudden anxiety must have shown on his face because her voice was soft as she spoke next, “hey. It’s okay. You can’t hurt me, Bruce.”

His expression shadowed, “I know you want to believe that, but trust me when I say he doesn’t care about this sort of thing.”

His chest ached. _He was so, so close. Too bad he couldn’t do anything about it._

He frowned in concern at her smile. _Was she touched in the head?_

But she was clearly trying to be reassuring as she said, “then trust me when I say that I am invincible. It’s my superpower.”

He blinked, glancing at Tony for confirmation. The other man had been unusually quiet during the exchange. Stark gave a nod at this, though, “it’s true. I saw her take a direct hit from Thor’s hammer not two hours ago, and look- she’s fine.”

“You what?” he asked quietly, turning to look at the blonde woman.

Her eyes widened, “uh-“ she turned to Stark, hitting him on the arm, “why did you have to tell him that?” she snapped, causing him to grin and shrug as he held his hands up defensively, “hey, I’m on your side, Blondie.”

“It doesn’t seem-“ her sentence was cut off as he turned to the offending god, feeling the blood rush to his head as he demanded, “you threw your hammer at my soulmate?!”

The woman- _Lily-_ reached forward and gently patted his arm, saying quickly, “hey- hey, Brucie it’s okay. Deep breaths- I’m fine, promise-“

He closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

The nickname registered.

 _Brucie._ No one except his mother had ever called him something like that. It was either ‘Robert,’ which he hated, or ‘Bruce.’ Never _Brucie_.

He liked it, though. From her, at least.

He forced his anger to calm, “you’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry-“

She smiled softly at him, “it’s okay, really. I appreciate the gesture- I just… didn’t want things to get out of hand.”

He opened his eyes and gave her a grateful look as he turned to Thor, “that still doesn’t mean I’m cool with what you did.”

\--

Loki’s staff sat propped up in one of the Helicarrier’s labs for convenient viewing. The gold, metal-like material was curved into a deadly point that housed a glowing blue light in the opening of the claw.

Bruce entered the lab with To- _no, Stark. Stark, Stark. He does NOT want you- Stark_ and Lily. He began to busy himself with the monitors as _Stark’s_ voice suddenly said, “I don’t think so, Blondie. Remember what happened the last time you touched a foreign object?”

Bruce looked up, a pit forming in his stomach as his mind flashed back to the cool, dark interior of the library.

The sudden lack of emotions. The blank skin of his wrist.

He blinked and he was back in the lab with Stark scoffing, “you make it a habit to touch potentially dangerous, otherworldly objects?”

She grinned, “yeah, didn’t you know that I’m attracted to shiny things?”

Stark rolled his eyes, “I swear you’re a walking hazard.”

“Hey,” he said, finally speaking up. He gently placed his hands on her upper arms and guided her back until she was several feet away from the staff, “maybe it would be safer if you stood here?”

He allowed the concern to show in his tone, causing the woman’s shoulders to slump in defeat. “Fine,” she said, pouting slightly and crossing her arms, “I don’t get to have any fun.”

_That’s cute- No, no, no, no. Focus, Banner._

He gave her a little smile, “don’t worry, at least you get a front row seat, right?”

Her expression took a 180 as she smirked, letting her eyes drift downward, “yeah, I suppose I do get the best seat in the house.”

Bruce turned bright red and turned away from her, his pulse skyrocketing.

 _Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. She was going to be the death of him._

He glanced at Stark, who was wearing a similar expression, and he pointed a finger in her direction, said, “I’m definitely starting to like you.”

 _Correction._ They’re _going to be the death of me._

“Can we please focus on the staff?”

\--

“Yeah, big man in a suit of armor. Take that off and what are you?”

Bruce closed his eyes as the argument raged around them. It didn’t help that Lily was standing so close, either. The _last_ person he’d hugged… god, had that been his Aunt, what, ten years ago? Fifteen? He wasn’t sure but having someone- his _soulmate-_ this close to him was distracting.

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist,” Stark’s voice said, cutting into his thoughts.

He opened his eyes, feeling a pang of hurt run through him at the ‘playboy’ title. Everyone knew about Tony’s lack of commitment, but it hurt worse when he was his known soulmate, especially when he elected not to acknowledge them. _His known relationships have never even included men_ , Bruce thought miserably, his arm tightening slightly around Lily.

_Bad Banner. DON’T think like that. It can never happen anyway._

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you, and I’ve seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You’re not the kind of guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

The argument continued around them but he blocked it out, feeling it affect his pulse. It wouldn’t do to turn into the Other Guy right now, not with his soulmates so close.

\--

The second the explosion came, Bruce knew he wouldn’t be able to stop the transformation. The Other Guy was too close for comfort. Had been, since he’d gotten on this damned ship. There was a flash of blue and suddenly they were fly through the air. He could feel one of Lily’s arms wrap around his waist. They landed harshly on a lower level of the carrier, the blue flickering away as they came crashing down.

The force was enough to stun him, but he could already feel the anger rise from the Hulk. He could faintly hear her voice above him, panicky, “oh my god, Bruce- are you- are-“

His anger flowed in currents through his veins and he breathed heavily, trying to delay it for as long as possible. Lily tried speaking again as he forced himself up, “Brucie? What- are-“

“You have to get out of here,” he snapped at her, forgetting that she was invincible, “you can’t be here when-“

The Hulk roared in his mind, threatening to break the little control he still had.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said firmly, “he can’t hurt me, remember?”

_IDIOT._

“GET OUT!” his voice was deep and terrible as it changed into the Hulk and he spent the last of his energy trying to delay the Hulk’s appearance as he scrambled away from her.

He lost control, allowing his skin to morph and grow, letting out a roar as the Hulk changed places with him.

\--

The first thing he realized upon waking up was that he was in pain, like all of his joints had shifted into different places overnight. It had gotten slightly better over the years, though. The second thing he realized was that he was naked and in the middle of nowhere.

 _This seems familiar_ , he thought bitterly.

What was different, though, was that he wasn’t entirely alone. He moved his arm slightly, seeing blonde strands of hair move with it. _Huh?_

He glanced down and saw that someone, a woman, was lying on his chest. _Oh. Right. Soulmate. How did she get here?_

As he tried to puzzle out the situation, their eyes met and she gave him a worried look, “hey,” she said softly, “you okay?”

_Don’t get attached, Banner._

“I think so,” he said slowly.

A sound drew their attention and her- _Lily’s, her name is Lily-_ eyes focused on a man wearing a cop’s uniform standing over them. She immediately tensed, looking between him and the stranger for a second before pulling off the leather jacket she’d been wearing.

He was surprised when she stuffed it at him, eyes determinedly fixed on the man standing above them. He took it from her gratefully, looking towards the older man, “did I hurt anybody?”

He tried to ignore the gentle touch of the hand on his shoulder as the man shrugged, “there’s nobody around here to get hurt. You did scare the hell out of some pigeons, though.”

He relaxed, “that’s lucky.”

“Or just good aim- you were awake when you fell,” the man said.

“You saw?”

“The whole thing. I’m surprised you’re still alive,” he said, addressing Lily, who shrugged, “you fell right through the ceiling, big and green- you’re lucky the girl landed on top of you.”

_I’m sorry._

“Here,” he added, throwing a bag towards them, “I didn’t think those would fit you until you were back to a regular size.

The bag turned out to have clothes in it and moved to pull them on. She stood first, holding out a hand to him to help him up as the man puzzled over them, “are you aliens?”

He saw Lily grin and he wondered briefly why before he shook his head, “no.”

“Well then son, you’ve got a condition.”

_Describes my life, really._


End file.
